I'll Never Fit In. The Reason Why I Belong.
When I was a child, my Dad asked me what I was afraid of. My reply: Everything. And I was. I remember feeling so afraid of being alone.
I was never popular at school. I was the 'weird' girl. I was fat. I never felt like I fit in. I never did, no matter how much I tried.
I tried everything. I tried standing out, I tried to fit in. But nothing worked. I would never be enough, or was it that I was too much? All I found was loneliness, depression, an abusive boyfriend and an eating disorder. I closed in on myself. I had no confidence. I pushed everyone away. I resigned myself to being me. Someone no one would ever like, least of all me.
I put myself through endless diets. I cried myself to sleep most nights. I wished, prayed, hoped I'd wake up anyone but me. Why me? Why did I have to be so different. Why couldn't I just be like everyone else?
Then, the day came when I couldn't do it anymore. I asked my Dad for help. My parents, would literally do anything to help me. They had. They had supported me through everything, they were always there to help me pick up my pieces. They still are. My Dad sent me for my first Neurofeedback session.
The Universe had other plans for me. I found my people. And I belong. Every day, I work hard to show up as my vulnerable, best, most authentic self. I
belong, and I am me. I am who I am. I like who I am. I absolutely will never change myself to fit in again. And, I'm still discovering new parts of
me. And I really like who I am. I like that I still experience child like joy. I like enjoy reading serious books about the brain, and also romance
novels about cowboys. I like that pretty dresses and sneakers is my go to. I like that I am sensitive and that my emotions are always close to the
surface. I like that I am still working on myself every day. I like me.
And that is why I am so passionate about the work that I do. It is so easy to feel alone, it's so easy to feel like you aren't enough, or worthy, or that
you matter, especially when you're a mum. You lose your sense of self when you become a mum. You might find you do things differently than other mums
(hello, me!) and feel like you're doing it wrong. You're not.
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